Friday, February 29, 2008

Day 10: Gagged for now.

I am forced to use the LL viewer until the RL viewer is updated. To prevent me from taking too much advantage, Custodian locked a ball gag on me (at least it keeps me from chatting intelligibly).

I was so happy to see a comment from dorei on yesterday's post! I love reading your comments. Please leave one if you read my blog.

Custodian made things difficult for me today. First left me exposed and in ML at Deitide. Then sent me a TP and landed me straight into a jail cell at Darkstone. She has a mean streak, no doubt about that. I can't help sensing that she was severely damaged by whatever happened to her before - especially being thrown into the permabond machine.

Speaking of, custodian hinted that someday I will probably be permabonded myself! I hope she is just trying to scare me... Its one thing to be permanently BANED. But if I could never see my own face ever again? I don't think I would survive.

Day 10: Pamela stares at the PERMABOND machine and ponders life as a Permabonded BANE...

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Day 9: Am I damaged?

I had fun today as usual. Here are 2 pictures of me being attacked by lightning and a blue cloud.

My new Custodian is evil. I have a better picture of her here. Look into her eyes. See I told you, scary!

I love being a BANE!! Am I losing my mind? My first custodian told me that if she detected "damage" she might unbane me. Now I feel like I have been BANE all my life. I just had a crazy discussion with my Custodian (read below). What do you think, am I damaged? Please post your comments, especially if you are a mental health professional...

[17:31] RR Ballgag 1.13.1 whispers: Pamela Munro's RR Ballgag 1.13.1 has been locked by Bambii Bade (Type Loose).
[17:31] RR Ballgag 1.13.1: You've been gagged... You are authorized to speak on channel /1 only
[17:31] Bambii Bade: try chatting
[17:32] RR Ballgag 1.13.1: Timer is now hidden
[17:32] Pamela Munro whispers: i hefiheh hat i mill bh banh fowevew
[17:32] RR Ballgag 1.13.1 whispers: Emotes not monitored
[17:32] Pamela Munro whispers: if i neeh to bh unbaneh i mill ftawt an nem av
[17:32] RR Ballgag 1.13.1 whispers: Drooling disabled
[17:32] Bambii Bade: you can emote now
[17:33] Pamela Munro is happy not to drool
[17:33] Pamela Munro inside helmet
[17:33] Pamela Munro would make me
[17:33] Pamela Munro break out
[17:33] Bambii Bade: dont want you to drown inside your helmet
[17:33] Pamela Munro nowhere for drool to drain
[17:34] Pamela Munro wants to be famous
[17:34] Pamela Munro SLs first and longest running
[17:34] Pamela Munro permanent BANE
[17:35] Pamela Munro will hire SL publicist
[17:35] Bambii's Shackle (RA) whispers: Current color saved : <0.72549,>
[17:35] Bambii's Shackle (RA) whispers: Current color saved : <0.72549,>
[17:35] Bambii's Shackle (RA) whispers: Bambii's Shackle (RA) is ready to be locked...
[17:35] Pamela Munro get in SL herald
[17:35] Bambii's Shackle (RW) whispers: Current color saved : <0.72549,>
[17:35] Bambii's Shackle (RW) whispers: Current color saved : <0.72549,>
[17:35] Bambii's Shackle (RW) whispers: Bambii's Shackle (RW) is ready to be locked...
[17:35] Bambii's Collar (sp) whispers: Current color saved : <0.72549,>
[17:35] Bambii's Collar (sp) whispers: Current color saved : <0.72549,>
[17:35] Pamela Munro have Bane fan club
[17:35] Bambii's Collar (sp) whispers: Bambii's Collar (sp) is ready to be locked...
[17:35] Bambii Bade: you do?
[17:35] Pamela Munro start Bane club
[17:35] Bambii's Ballgag whispers: Current color saved : <0.30000,>
[17:35] Bambii's Ballgag whispers: Current color saved : <0.30000,>
[17:35] Bambii's Ballgag whispers: Bambii's Ballgag is ready to be locked...
[17:35] Pamela Munro says yes
[17:35] Bambii's Scarf blindfold whispers: Current color saved : <0.10000,>
[17:35] Bambii's Scarf blindfold whispers: Current color saved : <0.10000,>
[17:35] Bambii's Scarf blindfold whispers: Bambii's Scarf blindfold is ready to be locked...
[17:36] Pamela Munro happier as Bane really
[17:36] Bambii's Collar (sp) whispers: Bambii Bade has taken Bambii's keys from her Bambii's Collar (sp).
[17:36] Bambii's Shackle (RA) whispers: Bambii Bade has taken Bambii's keys from her Bambii's Shackle (RA).
[17:36] Bambii's Scarf blindfold whispers: Bambii Bade has taken Bambii's keys from her Bambii's Scarf blindfold.
[17:36] Pamela Munro thinks is this damage?
[17:36] Bambii's Shackle (RW) whispers: Bambii Bade has taken Bambii's keys from her Bambii's Shackle (RW).
[17:36] Bambii whispers: Bambii Bade has taken Bambii's keys from her Bambii .
[17:36] Bambii's Ballgag whispers: Bambii Bade has taken Bambii's keys from her Bambii's Ballgag.
[17:37] Pamela Munro Banes have no cares in SL
[17:37] Pamela Munro no responsibility
[17:37] Pamela Munro Banes probably high maintenance
[17:37] Pamela Munro for custodian though
[17:37] Pamela Munro when no more fun for
[17:38] Pamela Munro Custodian then unbane
[17:38] Pamela Munro then former Bane get mad
[17:38] Pamela Munro will take revenge on Custodian
[17:38] Pamela Munro for ending BANE
[17:38] Bambii's Shackle (RW) whispers: Random Locks is active now
[17:38] Bambii's Shackle (RW) whispers: has left Bambii's keys on her Bambii's Shackle (RW)...
[17:38] Bambii's Shackle (RW) whispers: Bambii Bade's Bambii's Shackle (RW) has been locked by (Type Lock).
[17:39] Pamela Munro I am damaged arent I?
[17:39] Bambii Bade: maybe
[17:39] Pamela Munro thinks this is damage talking
[17:39] Pamela Munro forgot she is talking to
[17:39] Pamela Munro Bambii not Giri
[17:40] Pamela Munro needs to be careful
[17:40] Bambii Bade: giggles
[17:40] Bambii Bade: Yes you may be walking on knees for a while

[17:41] Pamela Munro being careful now

Day 8: A scary new Custodian

Today my keys were turned over to a new Custodian. Frankly, she scares me.

Pamela meets her new custodian for the first time.

My new custodian says little. But I knew immediately that my situation had changed, for the worse. She is something like a Bane herself. In a previous life she was thrown into a PERMABOND machine, and was permanently coated in thick black latex, from head to toe. She cannot remove her latex covering, and she cannot cover it up with clothing. Her eyes are the only remaining connection to the person who she used to be. Her eyes scare me.

New Custodian bound me in several uncomfortable positions. She told me that my first week as a Bane was "break-in week", and that the rules were going to be much stricter from here on out.

I miss my old Custodian. I have been told that she is now BANE, and I must forget about her and learn to survive under the control of my new Custodian.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Day 7: People can be nice in SL too.

I met three very nice people today in SL.

First when I was wandering around Zhora I met Bethany , who it turns out is in the SLBI Underworld. She emoted with me and read my blog and even posted the first comment on it! Nice to meet you Bethany, and thank you for the kind words.

Later I wandered over to the Frilly Filly Farm, and found a good spot to watch the pony carts go by. After a long while, a nice girl came over to see me. Her name was Marabou, and after she understood how to emote with me, she paid me the best compliment I have ever gotten in SL:

[12:55] Marabou Sideways thinks that is very sexy

[12:55] Pamela Munro smiles really?

[12:55] Marabou Sideways nods!

[12:55] Pamela Munro first time heard that!

Marabou if you read this, thank you so much. I have been feeling weird and ugly for the past week and you really made me feel good about myself today.

Danni and I at Deitide today.

Finally, late in the day I was standing alone at the back of Deitide (not able to interact or sit down, wearing heels, hobbled by shackles, not fun!). Another nice girl came over to talk to me. Her name was Danni and she had heard of Banes but had never seen one before. She was very nice to me also. She read my blog and let me take her photo with me for today's blog entry.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Day 6: People can be mean but I'm doing okay

Today I had some ups and downs.

When I first logged in I discovered that I could chat and IM! I don't know if my Custodian was being nice, or if my Bane helmet was malfunctioning. Anyway I took advantage of my first opportunity to communicate in 6 days.

The first person I met was mean to me. This happened again at Mystical Bondage. This person put a tag on my head and then played an animation of children circling me singing "You're an Idiot, You're an Idiot..." and insulting me as "Ugly" and "Stupid". It was humiliating, I felt like I was being bullied. I am not going to go to Mystical Bondage any more. Here is a picture of my humiliation.

A mean person making fun of me today at Mystical Bondage.

Before I was Bane, nobody ever tried to abuse me or make fun of me in SL. Men in particular were always respectful, even submissive and groveling in my presence. But since I have been Bane, I have seen a very different side of people. I have been verbally and physically abused by strangers several times already. They clearly see me as ugly and defenseless. Why do they feel the need to make me feel worse about myself? I suspect that the person who was mean to me today was a man in RL using a female AV in SL. If nothing else, this experience gives me more empathy for the handicapped and socially outcast people in the world.

If any other former Banes have experienced bullying like this, please post a comment here on this blog.

On the bright side I was able to chat with members of my Custodian's family today. That was nice. And I also IM'd and then chatted with my dear friend June, whom I haven't seen in a long time. I warned her directly that the SLBI might be coming after her and other former Black Orchids. I will probably be punished for it, but I do not want to see any of my loyal comrades turned into a permanent Bane like me.

When I logged on a second time today, I was not able to chat or IM any more. Then at about 6:15 PM the automatic lock was triggered on my shackles, preventing me from interacting with my environment, again.

[18:13] Steel Shackle (RW) 1.13: Steel Shackle (RW) 1.13 automatic lock triggered
[18:13] Steel Shackle (RW) 1.13 whispers: Pamela Munro's Steel Shackle (RW) 1.13 has been locked by (Type 6 U-Shape).
[18:13] Steel Shackle (RW) 1.13 whispers: Pamela Munro is now prevented from interacting with the environment.

I wonder if Custodian found out about my warning to June...

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Day 5: New BANE art show

Today was another setback for humanity and reason in Second Life.

My custodian, is now a Bane herself.

I don't know why this is, because I can no longer communicate with my custodian. But Custodian allowed one of her pets to borrow my keys long enough to lock me into a display. Custodian and myself are now the subjects of a brand new Bane art show. Here is a photo that I took at the premier of the Bane art exhibit today.

Pamela Bane (center) and her custodian (far right on display) are the featured art pieces at a new Bane art exhibit.

Here is the official advertisement for the Bane Art exhibit:

"NEW!!! Bane Art Gallery open.....

Sun Feb 24 13:03:34 2008

we all know banes are not good for much in the world, but they do make cute art......anyone wanting to see my new bane art gallery may do so at Castle Darkstone....its the tower rented by the bane formerly known as Giri Gritzi.......

there might be a opening cocktail party if i add to my collection....smiles....please any art suggestions let me know...and please you can touch the art, as all my art is interactive, but do not change my art.....i wouldnt be happy if one of my art pieces broke"

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Day4: Pamela is a PERMANENT BANE!

Today started off with intrigue. I heard rumors that I was going to be turned over to a new Custodian. I heard some names of possible Custodians, and a couple of them made me shiver in fear.

The weather in RL was gorgeous, so I spent most of the day in RL enjoying it.

When I logged in this evening, things didn't seem right. I immediately saw that my Custodian was in a BANE suit herself. I ran away, and TPed to Deitide. There was a lot of chatter on my Custodian's Family IM channel. I decided to get further away from all the commotion. I TPed to Mystical Bondage and kept quiet on the IM channel.

Pamela Bane listens to her Custodian's IM channel to find out whats going on...

I walked around Mystical Bondage, still in mouselook, and contemplated the difficulties of having another BANE as my Custodian. I tried to IM my Custodian, but my attempt was blocked. This meant I had no functioning custodian - I was on my own in SL as a BANE. I started wondering what I would do? My only contact, and the holder of all my keys, was out of contact.

Then I overheard on the IM channel that Custodian was just trying out a new BANE helmet. I felt relieved. Then my custodian sent me a TP.

When I arrived, my Custodian pointed out my new group tag to myself and her pets. I saw the tag over my head and read it, in horror: "Permanently A BANE".

Pamela in shock, immediately after learning that she is now a Permanent BANE.

My custodian informed me in IM that I would be a BANE forever. I started to hyperventilate. Custodian then informed her pets that I was now permanently a Bane. And then she gave the reason for my life sentence:

"[18:20] Giri Gritzi: this bane used to be one of the WORST criminals in SL
[18:20] Giri Gritzi: the leader of the now imprisoned Black Orchids gang
[18:20] slave Bode Bode giggles, we disappeared another girl and blamed SLBI, *Laughs evilly*"

I am still in shock. They are making an example of me, I know it. I hope anyone who reads this blog will take heed of the costs of battling the SLBI and other illegitimate law enforcement groups in SL.

To my former friends in the Black Orchids: please be careful! Don't ever let them catch you and do to you what they have done to me.

(Pamela Bane Sobs uncontrollably...)

Friday, February 22, 2008

Pamela's third day as Bane

Today I learned some important lessons about being a Bane.

Lesson #1: Banes shouldn't group together.

First, I learned that Banes are not supposed to group together. Another Bane befriended me, and my Custodian found out right away and told us that we were both bad. My Custodian added 12 hours to both Banes sentences, and 3 hours in Mouselook.

Next I learned that emoting too much with non-Banes will get you in trouble too. My Custodian was apparently monitoring my emotes using my spy collar, and isolated me further from interacting with others.

Third, I learned that some non-Banes can be mean to Banes. One jerk at Mystical Bondage hit me with his riding crop while I was just sitting there on a bench by myself. Then late in the day another non-Bane was manipulating my restraints without asking me, and my shackles added another 24 hours in penalty time for "trying to escape"!

I asked my Custodian if she would provide a bodyguard for me. She captured a big strong looking guy, but then just left him bound, gagged and hogtied for me to look at. Nice to look at, but not much use as a bodyguard.

Lesson #4: A good Bane bodyguard should be unrestrained, not blindfolded, and not gagged.

So, I was online for probably 4 hours today, and had a total of 36 hours added to my Bane sentence. At this rate I will be a Bane forever.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Sorry, Boys, This Is Our Domain

Heres a link to a great NYT article on the strides that girls are making in web content design:

Pamela's second day as a Bane

My second day as a Bane has been uneventful. I am not as self-conscious now as I was yesterday, but I am staying in BDSM-themed SIMs, where I don't feel so weird and out of place. I am not comfortable around men, especially strangers. I think it is embarrassment more than fear.

One nice woman appeared to be very concerned about me, after I emoted a cry in half joking fashion. I could not seem to communicate to her that I was okay. She kept typing (all I read was "...") and trying to manipulate my restraints, and I kept shaking my head to indicate that I couldn't communicate with her. I really hope I didn't scare her.

But most people are just ignoring me now. My custodian was online several times but did not communicate with me. I spent time at my usual table in Deitide, and then checked out Bondage playground for the first time (I think). I wondered how my friends from the Black Orchids were doing, June and Yrsa, and Jill, and Pike. I went to some places where I thought I might run into them, but I did not see anyone. I sometimes wish I had kept the Black Orchids group going.

After 2 days of Bane, I realize that the main reason I have a blog is its the only way I have to communicate. Even if nobody knows it exists, I feel like I am talking to friends here on this blog.

As I write this, I realize that blogging is probably a form of cheating, while you are a Bane. It seems to reduce my sense of isolation, at least a little. I never felt the urge to blog before now! So something is going on psychologically here.

Maybe the Paine Asylum will be open for business by the time my banishment is over :)

Pamela's first day as a BANE

Well my first full day as a BANE has been interesting.

It started on the night of February 19, with my friend Hawk trying to IM me because I had locked him in a cage at Deitide shortly before I was turned into a BANE. I was restrained at Darkstone, and my Custodian was offline, so the only thing I could think of was to send him a TP. I forgot that my Custodian has set a trap in front of me to prevent anyone from attempting to rescue me. Poor Hawk landed right in the trap (lol!). He didn't know what was going on, and didn't understand why I couldn't hear him, or speak or IM. I stayed online with him as long as I could, but had to log off after an hour. Hawk thanks for being such a good sport!

The next morning my Custodian gave me a full set of RR Shackles to wear, and set up all of the spy features so she could monitor my activities. Then she locked my arms behind my back and set the legirons to that I could sort of walk slowly. I never tried these shackles on before today, and I'm surprised how much I like them! Then she informed me that my banishment would last for at least 50 hours online time unless she detected "damage". Hmmm... damage? I started to wonder...

I spent the morning hobbling around Darkstone, investigating its different rooms and areas. I think Darkstone will be a great place for me to hide my kidnapping victims in the future. I spent about 2 hours silently watching strangers shopping in the store in the SIM adjacent to darkstone. I watched them from above, in the shadows, on a ledge of the castle. I watched different people and became interested in the differences between the male and female shopping patterns. The men all went straight to the sex-related products, while the women spent most of their time browsing for gestures and sounds. Most of the customers seemed to be European, a lot of Germans I think. I started to feel like a weird voyeur.

After a while I navigated (slowly, with difficulty) towards Deitide and Ally B's on the ground level. I ran into my first contact near Ally B's. It was a guy, and he appeared to be vanilla. He watched me hobble past him and sit on a park bench. Then he spent a few minutes watching me from a distance. I took this picture of him checking me out. Then he finally approached me and tried to chat with me. After a couple of futile exchanges of "..." he walked off.

Vanilla Guy watching me and probably wondering what is wrong with me.

Now I was really feeling very self-conscious. I felt the way I think I would feel if I were wandering around outside in RL like this. I decided I would avoid people for the rest of the day. I went closer to Ally B's, so I could listen to the music and watch people in the club from a distance. I stayed in the shadows. I didn't want anyone to see me like this, especially Ally and Deno, and some of my other friends who I sometimes meet there. I think I stayed near Ally B's because I am comfortable there. I guess I was feeling vulnerable, and weird again. I finally worked up the nerve to come out of the shadows and sit at a table in front of Ally B's, for a few minutes anyway. No one came by or saw me.

At the end of the day I started reading some other blogs again about Banes. I decided I needed to start my own blog, to record my own feelings and experiences as a Bane.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Pamela's first blog post ever

Hi all!

this is actually the first time I've ever posted anything on a blog. Its true! Why am I starting my own blog now?

Yesterday (February 19, 2008) I was banished in SL by my former friend and now Custodian. I didn't plan on it, I actually just wanted to chat and catch up on things. Within 5 minutes of TPing to Custodians latest home refurbishing project, she was showing me firsthand all the great new features of the RR version 1.13 restraints. She showed me the forced sit feature, and then informed me that she was going to keep me there for a while. Then within a few more minutes Custodian had selected a great dark-red shiny latex catsuit for me to wear, including a very cool mask covering part of my face.

Then, without saying anything, Custodian offered me a Bane helmet. I had read a little bit about Bane on some blogs. I knew what it was, and kind of what it would mean for me to accept it. I took about 10 seconds to think it over and then I put the Bane helmet on...

So fast... 20 minutes earlier I was bored, looking for someone to chat with in SL. And now I was suddenly banished, unable to communicate with anyone other than my Custodian.

I am really looking forward to my time as a Bane. I have had some disappointments recently in SL, and I almost deleted my account in January. A few close friends talked me into keeping my account open, and just taking some time off. I think I have gotten over my recent downturn now. And I hope that the deprivation of being banished will help me separate from the past. Like a vacation as some other Bane victims have said.

I will post my feelings and experiences as BANE here, along with some photos hopefully. Wish me luck!